He Is Just Not That Into You

I wonder if I am the only one? When I have a broken heart, I watch romance movies to give me hope that real love still exists. I guess that is kind of an oxymoron, considering I am watching a fictional story to support true love. But what about the movies that warn us about broken hearts? What about the character's that tell us which guys to steer clear of?

For Example:

• He Is Just Not That Into You
• Hitch
• Think Like A Man
• The Ugly Truth

I was watching He Is Just Not That Into You yesterday and it got me thinking about how we women approach men. Sure we tell men it is all about approach, but are we preaching a piece of advice that we absolutely do not follow? I know that I rush into having feelings. At the first sign of a possible feeling, I associate it with the "spark". Maybe he is just friendly. Maybe we just approach a potential relationship too fast. Let's be honest. What the fuck is the "spark?" Does it even exist? Is there really a spark? Sexual Chemistry? A spark of attraction? And where does this "spark" derive from?

"Guys invented the "spark" so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they're throwing at you is actually, just a "spark". And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama." Alex - He Is Just Not That Into You

Do we actually buy this shit? I mean, do we really fall for the cold shoulder? I know I sure do. I trust that guys are just human beings. I try to give guys the benefit of the doubt and all I end up doing is making excuses for them. "He is busy." "He doesn't have his phone with him." "Maybe he is asleep." "He just isn't ready yet." "He still has a lot to learn." At 21 years old, I am still fucking making excuses for why guys treat me like shit. I am giving them enough slack to strangle the belief in love right out of me. I am allowing them to treat me like shit when everyone knows the simple truth:

"...if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions.." Alex - He Is Just Not That Into You

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope. " Gigi - He Is Just Not That Into You

So what do we do? Do we hold onto hope? Do we continue on with the way we have been doing things all this time? What if we try to evolve?  What if as women, we learn from our experiences and heartbreaks and transform ourselves into a more powerful and knowledgeable sex? Instead of hurting, we should teach each other the tricks we have learned. So guys treat us like crap. Let us learn why and fix it. Let us learn what makes them tick and why we are not able to understand them. 

“You have to be two people. The saint and the sinner. The librarian and the stripper.” Mike Chadway – The Ugly Truth

So here it is. Right above here. The Truth is, we are expected to be two people. We are expected to be the girl he will bring home to his mother and the girl who he will dream about for the next five days after he sleep with us. We are expected to be Nice and Naughty. And while we do that, here is what we must remember:

Alex: Your friend Terri's an idiot. And she's also the exception. By the way. The rare exception.

Gigi: Okay. Okay. But what if I'm the exception?

Alex: No, you're not. You're not at all. In fact, you're the rule. And the rule is this--if a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.  

Alex & Gigi - He Is Just Not That Into You

And it generally works with any rule guys have. If a guy wants you he will make it happen. If he isn't calling, it's because he doesn't want to. If he isn't making the time for you he doesn't want you. Women are told their whole life that we are the exception. That men are douches because they like us. It is bullshit. If he wants you, he will make it happen. And I just have to stop believing I am the exception. We are not the exception. The guy is a douche. Let him go and move on. Allow yourself the time to live. Be your own fucking person. Stop depending on them. Stop giving them the power over us. WE ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION. 

"...we're not the exception; we're the rule."

Gigi - He Is Just Not That Into You

Let's be honest though. I can put all of this here in front of you, and we still will not change. We will still believe we are someone's exception. We will still make excuses for guys who treat us like complete trash. But even while we are doing that, maybe we can take the time to change just a little bit. Maybe we can learn to not take the bullshit as much or maybe we learn to win him over in non-conventional ways. Maybe we become the woman he wants even though he doesn't know what he wants. 

"I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so 

much but at least that means that I still care. 

Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. 

You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way 

but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. 

You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are." 

Gigi - He Is Just Not That Into You

Then of course, we could always go with this nugget of gold: 

"So you wanna win a man over? You don't need 10 steps. You need one and it's called a blowjob."

 Mike Chadway – The Ugly Truth

I'm not saying it will work, but it might. HAHA

Love; Simple, irrevocable love.

Age...

What is it, but a number? Factually, it is an accurate account of how long we have been a living human being. How long we have been breathing and keeps an accurate record of our continual aging as we grow nearer to our final salvation and everlasting life.

But, does age tell us how wise we are? Usually, it can be a very good predictor. But age can never account for the diamonds that are already taking shape. Sometimes, age is simply a boundary that is keeping us from something great. Age is an emotionless and non-relevant reminder of society's illogical boundaries keeping us from our true destinies.

Tell me, if a 40 year old man dates a 20 year old woman, what reaction does he get? Usually, by most of his friends, he is applauded. By women, he is a man. We believe he is a pig who needs a younger woman. always looking for the next best thing. What about a woman who is 40 and a guy who is 20. Then, he is applauded. and the woman; well she is a "cougar".

Seriously, age only tells us one thing, how long we have been living. If there wasn't such an emphasis on the ages of the people we are with or the people we fall for, more people may actually find love. Now, I am not saying 40 year old men should be able to marry 3 year old.  I am simply saying, if you happen to find solace and peace in your time spent with a guy four years younger than you, who is society to tell you it is inappropriate? Okay, we have laws. 18 is legal adulthood. But the law is no less forgiving that society. Most of the time, relationships are torn apart by parents who do not like "that guy" their daughter is seeing or vice versa.

So society has this game of breaking us down. She is too old, he is too young. He is too old, she is too young. He could be her father, she could be his granddaughter. How about society butts out?
How about we search for love. How about we look for the rarest and most pure emotion I have ever had the honor of feeling. LOVE; a four letter word that can fundamentally change the schematics of our life. A word that can have us chasing eternity. A word that has the power to make us break every rule, moral, and value we have set in place and believed in.

As in 1 Corinthians 13:

 "If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part,¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Love. Undying, irrevocable love. It is what we, as human beings, are forever searching for. Our soul is always looking for it's counter point in another. As a hopeless romantic, I could never allow myself to shy away from love.

Fight for love. Hope for love. Pray for love. Advocate for love. We are the basic puzzle pieces of love. Heart to heart, we are always betting on, hoping for, and searching for love even on our most basic level.

Why keep ourselves from it?

If you find it, bottle it up, hold onto it tight, and enjoy the ride. It is a quick one.