Ignorance is bliss?

They say ignorance is bliss – but is it really blissful? Maybe the blindness is just slowly shattering our souls. Maybe we are just barely breathing. Have you ever noticed how your body always has one last breath left when you hold your breath under water – the breath that constricts your chest to the point of pain? Maybe that is the breath we live on in ignorance. Who decided it was blissful to sit around and wait? Who decided it was worth the wait? I've never been in more pain in my life. I feel my heart shattering to ashes; it as if my soul is slowly burning away in a blast of disappointment. I couldn't possibly begin to explain in all the ways I am dying inside. Nothing is supposed to be like this; we aren't supposed to be falling apart. I can feel you pulling away and I just don’t think I can survive you walking away again – that moment when my world will switch from color to black and white – the moment our existence becomes nothing more than a faded past. How am I expected to survive when the life will literally disintegrate out of my soul? I want the sun shining, music blasting, laughing until our chests hurt kind of day – I don’t want the days where it rains and the sky is black and I beg for an escape; I don’t want an existence where I suffocate for you anymore. Not a moment goes by that you are not on my mind – you are my morning thought, you linger on my mind all day, you are the thought that puts me to sleep, you are my dreams. I can’t escape the idea of you and I can’t even begin to hate you. 

Be Free

If I had one wish for you, I can only hope you find the love I feel for you. I hope you find someone who cherishes you so deeply that you do not know what loneliness is. I hope that you are loved so deeply and reciprocate that love so deeply, that not even the end of the world could cause your love to falter. In quiet moments, I pray to God that you never feel an ounce of the pain I have suffered through. Any discomfort that a loss of love could cause you would surely cause my soul to cripple. Even with you gone, I hold a space so special and pronounced in my heart for you that my soul is directly connected to your emotions. Promise me that you will chase your dreams and fight for your beliefs. Don’t ever shy away from your goals or the path less traveled. You are an outstanding and amazing person. You are capable of so many incredible things. I only hope that you put us behind you and chase after them. I would never want to hold you back, even if that means you let me go. You gave me so many things to live for.; I remember saying to myself one day, “My soul is on fire with passion.” You gave me an opportunity to feel love and I can never give you enough thank yous. You made me feel superior to everyone else and important even in dead silence and little moments. You made darkness bright. I will never forget our time together. Be free my love – for I have nothing left to offer you. 

Numb

My soul disintegrates to dirt. I lay, lifeless and long forgotten, with nothing but numbness; only cold and desolation surround me now. How do I breathe, when my only reason for breath has forsaken me and shattered the foundation of my livelihood? Is there no justice in this life? Over and over, I made leaps and bounds; continually I hopped through hoops; I gave my all for you. Over and over – You pulverized me, continuously. You never gave me any reciprocation of my unconditional and undying love; you were cold and callous. You left me alone, withered in agony and dismay, to rot; my soul, but a pile of earth, disintegrated over time. I had no control as my logic and reason took a steady decline into insanity; the blissful ignorance was a welcome blindness to your idiocy and selfishness. I see the ways in which you have used me and battered me; I see my soul lifeless next to me; I see my life ending of my own discourse.  Yet, I want to hold you. I want to tell you all the ways in which I love you so. I want to fuse our livelihoods together in a burning desire, that of which we have yet to satisfy to the extent of our togetherness, which will weld a perfect sanity in our imperfect insanity. I want wholeness with you when we are but many pieces shattered separate. Our distance is troubling. I no longer feel your warmness and see your soul. I can understand your heart no longer, as if it no longer is mine. My soul bleeds a poison black. There is no reason for fighting; an imperial relapse in all aspects of life is on the horizon. Where do I begin? Where do I end? How in the world do you expect me to complete myself when my perfect completion was your imperfection? Without you , I am soulless. 

Truth Is

Truth is I wish we talked more. I know I am wasting my time, but I still hold hope that maybe through some shred of a miracle that you just might want to talk to me too. I know this is extremely wishful thinking on my part. However, I was always told to dream big. I guess on some level I am just hoping that one day you see what is going on here and stop pretending like you are too damn good for me. I hope for your sake, the day you finally realize what I have seen all this time, you are not too late to save what will eventually be but a fleeting memory. I hope you are smart enough to know what you are doing before it cannot be undone. Before you know it, I will be long gone and the moments I wasted waiting for you will be time I will eventually consider a grave loss. Time that I will never be able to make up, because you were just too stubborn to realize and see what I see; absolute perfection. I see the one thing people search for their entire lives and it is flying right by you. Please, I am begging you to wake up before I have to walk out of your life forever. Do not let me do something that you will regret.