Goodbye...

My soul is shattered. Our moment was perfection. I didn't ask; I didn't beg; I didn't force you to do anything. You acted on an impulse - a feeling. You made a move of epic proportions. Our souls swirled in a passionate and mesmerizing moment that my mind has squandered on since the moment your lips left mine. Our fate was sealed. A moment - a friendship - a destiny; our lives were speeding into eternity. We were only steps from capturing forever. It was as if the world stopped turning. Our reign of tortuous and heart wrenching flirtation turned into a kiss of insurmountable epicness. Epic passion, epic closeness, epic understanding ensued in an instant. Friends don't kiss like we did; best friends don't kiss like we did; lovers kiss like we did. Don't tell me you don't kiss; don't tell me you didn't feel it; don't tell me it was nothing – I call bullshit. We are perfection and you are scared. You are terrified to move towards forever.

And yet, you allowed our destiny to disintegrate. You found a way to completely destroy me without trying. Only now do I know that your lips on mine, the moment that revolutionized our existences, was simply a goodbye. The kiss that changed our relationship forever was only a moment of closure for you; a moment to end an internal struggle. I don’t blame you – I blame us equally. If only one of us were honest with each other; if only I knew you were saying goodbye – I would have begged you to stay. My soul has expired. There are no words to explain the gravity of the situation. Our ending was accelerated in one swift motion. I had no control, no saving grace, and no chance of surviving. We are anything but existing – our relationship, our friendship, our time, has escaped us. We kissed forever goodbye – You kissed forever goodbye.

But I love you; I've always loved you; I will always love you. You were my best friend. You were my rock. You were my happiness, when I never imagined happiness was possible. You were my saving grace so many times, I cannot even count. You are my forever.  I can't imagine how I will survive without you. But I will continue to breathe. I will continue to hold you dear and I will always remember the feeling you gave me, even when you didn’t know it. I will continue to hope that our paths will cross one day, because it is all I have left. I am completely in love with you and I can only hope that somewhere in your cold and desolate existence, underneath all the lies and hate, you love me too. 

Numb

My soul disintegrates to dirt. I lay, lifeless and long forgotten, with nothing but numbness; only cold and desolation surround me now. How do I breathe, when my only reason for breath has forsaken me and shattered the foundation of my livelihood? Is there no justice in this life? Over and over, I made leaps and bounds; continually I hopped through hoops; I gave my all for you. Over and over – You pulverized me, continuously. You never gave me any reciprocation of my unconditional and undying love; you were cold and callous. You left me alone, withered in agony and dismay, to rot; my soul, but a pile of earth, disintegrated over time. I had no control as my logic and reason took a steady decline into insanity; the blissful ignorance was a welcome blindness to your idiocy and selfishness. I see the ways in which you have used me and battered me; I see my soul lifeless next to me; I see my life ending of my own discourse.  Yet, I want to hold you. I want to tell you all the ways in which I love you so. I want to fuse our livelihoods together in a burning desire, that of which we have yet to satisfy to the extent of our togetherness, which will weld a perfect sanity in our imperfect insanity. I want wholeness with you when we are but many pieces shattered separate. Our distance is troubling. I no longer feel your warmness and see your soul. I can understand your heart no longer, as if it no longer is mine. My soul bleeds a poison black. There is no reason for fighting; an imperial relapse in all aspects of life is on the horizon. Where do I begin? Where do I end? How in the world do you expect me to complete myself when my perfect completion was your imperfection? Without you , I am soulless. 

We need it...

Why do we fall in love?

It is a basic human necessity. We strive to love and be loved. Since the beginning of time, our instincts have told us to find love and to be loved. It satisfies a very primal need to be appreciated, to be nurtured, to be significant. It is stronger than any other feeling. It surpasses all other emotions. We still fall in love after a broken heart. It mends us, brings us to life, and satisfies a part of our human complexities that we cannot self satisfy. As a human being we strive to socialize and on a more complex and refined level we strive to socialize on a more intimate level. Love allows us to intimately socialize. We look for the ability to know a person beyond just basic human capacities. We feed off the knowledge that a person is so in tune to what we want and need and is so significantly effected by us. Our soul searches for a counter point in another human being and we are lost and unknown until we find our counter point. Love is the answer to almost every problem we have as a human being

I miss you

The truth is, I miss you. I would give anything to not miss you. I promise you, I didn't plan this, but I fell in love with you. It happened when I wasn't paying any attention. I happened to get to know you as a person and you are absolutely beautiful. You are outstanding. You've been hurt, but still care for others. You've seen devastation, but still value the beauty in every day chaos. You make me laugh like I have never laughed before. You
know how to see through my bullshit, even on my best days. You are not afraid of who I am as a person. You make me feel important when everyone else makes me feel convenient. You make me better at everything. You make me a better thinker, a better student, a better person. I am smarter with you, more logical, wiser than I have ever been. You make me feel safe, accomplished, energized. With you I am ready to do anything. Without you I am lonely, idiotic, breathless, afraid. Without you I am nothing. I am simply one half of a whole. You are my souls counter point.