I love you

I still continue to swallow my words and pride. It hurts because the truth is, I love you.

What do I want?

What do I want??

I want to be held, just because. I want to be told I am beautiful, even when I am a mess. I want to be heard, when I am silent. I want to be tucked in, even though I am 21. I want to sleep in, even though I have to work at 9am. I want to sing and be praised, even though I am tone deaf. I want to dance with someone, even though I have two left feet. I want to be winked at, when I least expect it. I want to be me, even when I am not who people want. I want to be wanted for who I am. I want to be loved, without conditions. I want to make the impossible, possible. I want to be a millionaire, when I am still young.

I've finally realized, there is no silver platter. I make my own luck and decide my own destiny. I have to make my wants happen, and I plan on it.

Clearing

I never imagined getting rid of half of my daily schedule would clear my head.  I truly love going to work full time. I love being able to actually feel like I am a part of something rather than a floater or a half timer every where I go.

Maybe, just maybe. finding a place you fit in is the way we clear our minds. We no longer fear we are not welcome, or that we are not a part of something. We feel included. We feel like a link in the chain. and sometimes, that is all we need. sometimes, that little bit of welcoming is the release we need.

Clinginess

It's so weird how we cling to people for comfort. Even if that person is totally out of reach and off limits - we continue to cling to them. It's like an opportunity to just imagine perfection. To imagine the possibility of actually being happy for a while. and yet, we do not even realize how much pain it is actually causing us. We don't even have the slightest idea that that moment of clinginess is actually shattering us into a million pieces. That in that moment, we are longing for something so badly and we simply cannot have it. We simply are not allowed to be in control. We forever are separated because of some external force, something that we can never fix as a human being.

Love "me"

You have to love yourself, before you can love anyone else.

A concept so simple. Love yourself and then love others. But how do we go about loving ourselves without affection? How is it that we can love ourselves without a loving relationship? And if there is a way, what is it?

I guess it works the same way your needs do. If you cannot suffice your own needs and care for yourself, how can you anyone else?

But the truth of the matter is, we avoid ourselves inside and out. We avoid mirrors, pictures (unless you are narcissistic), self conversation, talking about ourselves, our needs. Everything we do, will never be good enough by our own standards. We will never amount to anything in our own eyes. We continue to be our own biggest critic. We will never be comfortable and safe in our own skin.

STOP!

We are gorgeous. We are smart. We are funny and bright. We have great ideas, we have a great personality, and people love being with us. We are beautiful just the way God made us.

See, our attitude keeps us down. We allow ourselves to get down because we listen to the critic inside.

So stop listening. Argue with it. Tell it to eff off. Tell the inner critic that we love ourselves. Upset the critic so that it listens for a change.

I'm realizing that once that voice shuts up, my brain has a few minutes to love myself. And everyday, I intend to grant my brain a few minutes more to love me.

So I challenge you. Shut the critic up, and love yourself for a few minutes each day.

Because ultimately, until we love ourselves, we can never love anyone else and chances are, the majority of people we know, will not be able to love us.