Goodbye...

My soul is shattered. Our moment was perfection. I didn't ask; I didn't beg; I didn't force you to do anything. You acted on an impulse - a feeling. You made a move of epic proportions. Our souls swirled in a passionate and mesmerizing moment that my mind has squandered on since the moment your lips left mine. Our fate was sealed. A moment - a friendship - a destiny; our lives were speeding into eternity. We were only steps from capturing forever. It was as if the world stopped turning. Our reign of tortuous and heart wrenching flirtation turned into a kiss of insurmountable epicness. Epic passion, epic closeness, epic understanding ensued in an instant. Friends don't kiss like we did; best friends don't kiss like we did; lovers kiss like we did. Don't tell me you don't kiss; don't tell me you didn't feel it; don't tell me it was nothing – I call bullshit. We are perfection and you are scared. You are terrified to move towards forever.

And yet, you allowed our destiny to disintegrate. You found a way to completely destroy me without trying. Only now do I know that your lips on mine, the moment that revolutionized our existences, was simply a goodbye. The kiss that changed our relationship forever was only a moment of closure for you; a moment to end an internal struggle. I don’t blame you – I blame us equally. If only one of us were honest with each other; if only I knew you were saying goodbye – I would have begged you to stay. My soul has expired. There are no words to explain the gravity of the situation. Our ending was accelerated in one swift motion. I had no control, no saving grace, and no chance of surviving. We are anything but existing – our relationship, our friendship, our time, has escaped us. We kissed forever goodbye – You kissed forever goodbye.

But I love you; I've always loved you; I will always love you. You were my best friend. You were my rock. You were my happiness, when I never imagined happiness was possible. You were my saving grace so many times, I cannot even count. You are my forever.  I can't imagine how I will survive without you. But I will continue to breathe. I will continue to hold you dear and I will always remember the feeling you gave me, even when you didn’t know it. I will continue to hope that our paths will cross one day, because it is all I have left. I am completely in love with you and I can only hope that somewhere in your cold and desolate existence, underneath all the lies and hate, you love me too.