They say ignorance is bliss – but is it really blissful?
Maybe the blindness is just slowly shattering our souls. Maybe we are just
barely breathing. Have you ever noticed how your body always has one last
breath left when you hold your breath under water – the breath that constricts
your chest to the point of pain? Maybe that is the breath we live on in
ignorance. Who decided it was blissful to sit around and wait? Who decided it
was worth the wait? I've never been in more pain in my life. I feel my heart
shattering to ashes; it as if my soul is slowly burning away in a blast of disappointment.
I couldn't possibly begin to explain in all the ways I am dying inside. Nothing
is supposed to be like this; we aren't supposed to be falling apart. I can feel
you pulling away and I just don’t think I can survive you walking away again –
that moment when my world will switch from color to black and white – the moment
our existence becomes nothing more than a faded past. How am I expected to
survive when the life will literally disintegrate out of my soul? I want the
sun shining, music blasting, laughing until our chests hurt kind of day – I don’t
want the days where it rains and the sky is black and I beg for an escape; I don’t
want an existence where I suffocate for you anymore. Not a moment goes by that
you are not on my mind – you are my morning thought, you linger on my mind all
day, you are the thought that puts me to sleep, you are my dreams. I can’t
escape the idea of you and I can’t even begin to hate you.
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