Rock Bottom

Hitting rock bottom - hurts. The moment I awoke from the nightmare that was my current life I noticed everything had been turned upside down; I finally realized I hated everything I had incorporated into my life. I was bending over backwards to help people, who could have given two shits if I lived or died. I had allowed myself to become a stepping stone in everyone's life - including my own. I had become an imaginative person. The air I was breathing and each breath I took was the only reminder that I was in fact a living human being. I purposefully let myself get involved where I didn't belong. I pushed my weight around, when I barely had a leg to stand on. I allowed my feelings and emotions to blind me to the fact that I was being used and it took til rock bottom for me to realize that I am more than a pin cushion or a tack board for everyone's issues.

How is it that we become a stepping stone in others lives? What is it that we do that makes us a candidate to be stepped on for another person's benefit? Regardless of the situation, in that moment we feel important even though we are being used by another human to advance their current situation. Being used instead makes us feel important, when it should make us feel shitty and walked upon. The need to feel important in a another persons life leads us to sometimes become a stepping stone, and if that is the case, we have to learn how to be important - without being walked on. At some point, a person has to realize what they have become and fight back.

In today's current conditions, NO ONE can afford to be walked on. Someone very close to me said, "Fuck everyone. You cannot trust anyone. You have to watch out for yourself and fuck friends." There is never a moment where that advice will be more prevalent, than when you hit rock bottom.

We have to allow ourselves to be the most important person in our own lives. If we cannot take care of our own needs and aspirations, how can we expect to take care of the needs of anyone else? YOU have to be number one. I am finally realizing this.

Allowing people to tell you how to live your life only leads you to becoming that stepping stone. Upgrade yourself...QUICKLY!

I'm upgrading myself - starting NOW.